A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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