if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize