My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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