Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
