I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
