Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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