What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
