I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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