You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
