I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
