The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize