I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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