yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
