Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
