Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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