I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your cock deserves a montage
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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