Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.