btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"