Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you