I just saw a hot homeless man
Me. At least after what I've been through.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.