I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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