There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So much rum. So many feels.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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