Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize