Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
