So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
