um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
