i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
