I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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