I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
