I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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