Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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