the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
