Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
