I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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