Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
her vagine was all disorganized.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
