im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
