I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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