He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
