i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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