im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
