i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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