Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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