Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
