C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You work out of a Hotel?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
