can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize