New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
