I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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