Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
