Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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