That's when you crack a 10am beer
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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