Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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