I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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