You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
