whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
