if only i could text you this smell
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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