Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
