I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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