am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
