i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
