I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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