I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
