Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there's paper in my vomit.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
