i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
